Send us Fan Mail

Grief and trauma both change how memory works, and almost everyone going through either one ends up asking the same handful of questions. In this episode, we go through eleven of the most common ones: five about what trauma does to memory of the event itself, and six about what grief does to memory of the person who died. For each one, we look at what the research and clinical literature say is happening, so the goal isn't to explain the pain away, but to show these are documented, well-understood responses, not signs something is wrong with you.

Chapters

• 00:49 Most Asked Questions on Grief and Trauma
• 02:10 Most Asked Questions Regarding Trauma 
• 02:37 Most Asked Questions Regarding Grief

On trauma and what people remember:

• 03:50 Trauma: Why Can't I Remember Key Parts?
• 05:15 Why Are Some Details Razor-sharp and Others Just Gone? 
• 06:54 Is My Memory Even Accurate, or Am I Making It Up?
• 09:30 Why Does It Feel like It's Happening Again, Right Now?
• 10:51 What Are These Images and Sensations That Keep Intruding on Me

On grief and the memory of the person they lost: 

• 12:19 Grief: Will I Forget Their Voice, Their Face, Their Smell?
• Why Can't I Stop Thinking about Them?
• 15:40 Why Do I Keep 'seeing' Them, or Dreaming They're Still Alive?
• 17:30 Am I the Only One Afraid That Other People Will Forget Them Too? 
• 19:32 Why Do I Feel Guilty about My Memories of Them, Either Way?
• 22:00 Why Does the Longing Still Come in Waves, Even Years Later 

Related Episodes

• E87 Grief Dreams and What They Can Tell Us with Dr Joshua Black
• E201 Grief and Time: What 15 Years Taught Me About Loss vs. Grieving

Sources and Citations

General memory science (Harvard Health):

• Memory — Harvard Health
• Memories: Learning, remembering, (not) forgetting — Harvard Health
• Flaws of normal memory — Harvard Health

Trauma and stress (Harvard Health):

• Protect your brain from stress — Harvard Health, featuring Dr Kerry Ressler, Harvard Medical School

Grief and bereavement (Harvard Health):

• How to deal with grief — Harvard Health, featuring David H. Rosmarin, McLean Hospital
• How to overcome grief's health-damaging effects — Harvard Health, featuring Dr Eric Bui
• Getting stuck in long-term grief — Harvard Health, featuring Sue Morris, Dana-Farber Cancer Institute
• Beyond bereavement — Harvard Health

On the specific trauma-memory questions:

• Top questions about trauma, PTSD, and therapy — Dr Valentina Stoycheva, STEPS (Stress & Trauma Evaluation and Psychological Services)
• Fragmented memories: how trauma can cause memory loss — domesticshelters.org, featuring Dr Edie Zusman
• Common myths about memory for trauma — Rachel Goldsmith and M. Rose Barlow, University of Oregon

On the specific grief-memory questions:

• The fear of forgetting — Maria Kubitz, Alive in Memory
• Adults' reactions to bereavement — NCBI Bookshelf, citing Lindemann (1944) and Beverly Raphael

Support the show

💡 If today’s episode touched you, please share it with someone who might need it. 

🤝 Become a supporter of the show! Starting at $3/month & leave a review.

Stay Connected

• 🌐 Visit nathaliehimmelrich.com
• 💌 Subscribe to the newsletter for resources and updates
• 🎧 Never miss an episode—follow the podcast!
• 💛 Socials   Instagram   Facebook

Find Support Resources 

• 💜 For Grievers – Resources
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/grief-trauma-support/
• 💜 For Supporters – Supporting someone https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/supporters-resources/
• 💜 Books – Explore books on grief and healing https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/books/
• 💜 Support – Offers - free and paid 
  https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/free-resources-hub/